All About Spike

Tea and Sympathy
By Colleen

Buffy sipped her herbal tea, trying to adjust to the taste. “Tara, are you sure you aren’t supposed to put milk in this?”

Tara wrinkled her nose. “Not really, but I could add a little honey, if you like.”

“No thanks. I’ll make do.” She sat her mug on the coffee table and leaned forward, massaging her forehead with her right hand.

“Tired, sweetie?” Tara asked.

“No. Well yes, but…” She wiped a tear from the corner of her eye with her thumb. “It’s just…I…”

“Is it because you’re upset about Xander and Anya?”

Buffy shook her head. “Not that. Well I am, but…”

“Spike came to the wedding with another girl. Is that it?” She sighed as Buffy nodded, almost imperceivably. “What happened? Did he leave you for her?”

She murmured, “I left him.” Looking into Tara’s eyes, she said, “I did the right thing. I ended it.”

Tara placed her hand on the other woman’s. “Because you were using him? Because you don’t love him?”

“I told him I couldn’t love him.” She blinked away the tears. “That it was killing me. That’s when he let me go.”

Tara squeezed her hand. “That’s a funny thing to say. What did you mean, ‘couldn’t love him’? Never? Because feelings change. Can’t is so final.”

“I can’t. It’s wrong. He’s wrong.” Her lower lip quivered. “He’s evil.”

“Buffy, we discussed this before. Did something happen? Something to make things worse?”

“Oh God, Tara.” She shook her head. “He was hiding demon eggs in the crypt. Ruthless killer demons he was selling on the black market, to world tyrants. He’s an arms dealer. How more evil could he be?”

The laugh escaped before Tara could stop herself. “Spike? An arms dealer? Buffy, he doesn’t even own a cell phone. Think about it. Where did you hear that?”

“From Riley.” She was breathing heavy with anger. “I saw them Tara. I saw them in the crypt. They almost killed us when they hatched. How could he do something so stupid?”

“What did he say? Did he admit it? Selling them as weapons, I mean.”

“Not exactly,” Buffy said. She considered a moment. “Not at all. He said he was watching them for a friend, but…”

“And which story makes more sense? Spike the international terrorist, or Spike the fellow who brought a demon friend to your birthday party? Spike the arms dealer, or Spike the misguided vampire?”

Buffy sat in shock. “I may have made a really stupid mistake.” On the verge of tears, she sucked them back. “I’m still better off without him. It just won’t work. I can’t love him.”

Tara patted her shoulder. “And if he moves on, and starts seeing girls like the one at the wedding, it really doesn’t matter. Doesn’t bother you at all. Because you can’t love him.”

“Right.” No longer able to hold back the floodgates, the tears broke through. “I hated it. It ripped me up inside. I think I’m addicted to him, like Willow is to magic. When I’m away from him, I feel like a part of me is missing. When I’m with him, I only want to hold him and have him inside me and feel his lips and…why do I feel like that Tara? Why do I need him so much?”

The corner of Tara’s lip curled upwards. “I miss Willow, too.”

“But you love Willow.” Buffy’s eyes opened wide. “Oh God.”

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