All About Spike

None So Blind
By Colleen

Nothing NC-17, though sex is involved

Xander returned to the Magic Box to find Anya once again playing with the seating plan for the wedding reception. “This is complicated. Why couldn’t it be easy, like doing the books? Numbers don’t have personalities. Except one million. It has a very nice personality.” She looked up at her fiancé. “Did you find Buffy?”

“No, but I found Spike.” He sat at the table beside her. “The guy is pathetic. I mean, I understand...relieving the tension. I have myself been known to...relieve the tension. In High School, I was the king of....”

“Cut to the chase, Honey,” she said.

“Even I have never been reduced to air sex.”

“Air sex?”

“I’ve never seen anything so sad.” Xander picked up the tag with his father’s name on it, and poked a pin through it. “He was lying on his bed, having sex with the air. Said he was doing exercises. If I wasn’t going broke paying for this wedding, I’d buy him a blow up doll.”

“Having sex with the air?”

“Yeah,” Xander answered. “Sort of like pushups, but not really. And he kept making little moany noises in a girly voice. Like I said, pathetic.”

“Well,” Anya said, “I’m glad you found Buffy.”

“What do you mean?” he asked. “I said she wasn’t there.”

“I’m glad she found herself an orgasm buddy,” she smiled. “Orgasm vampire. Whatever.”

“No, I said...” Xander paused, considering what he had really seen in the crypt. “His ear....And this morning, in the kitchen...”

“Stop hyperventilating, Sweetie,” she said. “Do you think it would be a bad idea to sit Willow next to D’Hoffryn?”

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