All About Spike

We Are The Champions
By Fit of Pique

Pairing: Spike/Angel
Summary: Buffy wants to put Spike and Angel in a room and let them rassle it out – with oil. Me too.
Story notes: Spoilers through "Chosen"
Rating: R (swearing, slash)
Disclaimer: All hail the mighty Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox Film Corporation, and revered affiliates.
Acknowledgements: Thanks to Saussy, my most excellent beta reader, and Circe_tigana for the plot bunny. This was written for the flashficathon and the first scene is directly from the shooting script for “Chosen”



INT. SUMMERS' HOME – BASEMENT – NIGHT

SPIKE
So where's tall, dark and forehead?


BUFFY
Let me guess. You can smell him.


SPIKE
Yeah, that and I also used my heightened vampire eyeballs to watch you kissing him.


Busted.

BUFFY
It was a…hello. I was surprised.


SPIKE
Most people don't use their tongues to say hello. Or, I guess they do, but…


BUFFY
There was no tongues. Besides, he's gone.


SPIKE
Just popped round for a quickie, then?


BUFFY
Good, good, I haven't had quite enough jealous vampire crap.


SPIKE
He wears lifts, you know.


BUFFY
One of these days, I'm just gonna put you two in a room and let you rassle it out.


SPIKE
No problem at this end.


BUFFY
(Warming up to it)
There could maybe be oil of some kind involved…




We Are The Champions

INT. SUMMERS' HOME – BASEMENT – NIGHT

Later that night: Spike is sleeping on his cot with his arms wrapped around Buffy, spooning her. Buffy is awake. She is caressing Spike's hand when she suddenly gets a dreamy, faraway expression on her face.

Fade to a sterile, empty room. There are two doors on opposite walls and these doors open simultaneously. Two champions emerge, naked except for ornate wrestling title belts. Their skin gleams with oil. They circle one another, expressions wary and bodies tense with anticipation, trying not to be too obvious about examining one another’s assets.

SPIKE
Not so high and mighty without your buggering lifts, are you?

ANGEL
(Bored)
More than mighty enough to remind you who always wins when we get into it.

SPIKE
Things change, mate. I've changed. Not the same...

While Spike's talking, Angel sweeps his legs out from under him and takes him down.

ANGEL
(Smirking)
One thing hasn't changed. You still talk too damn much.

Spike struggles to get up, but Angel has him pinned to the floor with his knee. He stops struggling.

SPIKE
You're right. Some things don't change.

Spike moves lightening quick, pushing Angel off balance and then hitting him not very hard in the crotch. Angel rolls away, clutching himself and moaning.

SPIKE
You're still not that bright.

ANGEL
(Voice dripping with venom)
And you still fight dirty. You're going to pay for that, boy.

Angel rises to his feet, shakes the pain off, and the two vamps resume their cagey circling. Think two big lions, with really shiny belts.

SPIKE
(Cracking his neck and bouncing on his toes)
Speaking of things that never change…you might want to work on some new threats, you wanker. That shit didn't scare me 100 years ago and it sure as hell doesn't scare me now.

ANGEL
(Rolling his eyes)
You'll have to excuse me if I refuse to take advice about change from someone who’s had the same bad hairdo for 40 years.

SPIKE
Oi! I can't believe you of all people are insulting my hair! You look like a soddin' toilet brush.

ANGEL
Oh yeah? Well, you're so pale and skinny, you look like a...
(Beat)
A q-tip!

SPIKE
(Glaring furiously, jaw clenched in anger)
Isn't this just bloody domestic? Less yappin', more scrappin' chubby!

Slow motion sequence: The two champions begin to wrestle in earnest, going through a series of fluid moves, sliding against each other in an almost erotic fashion. Angel eventually gets Spike in a headlock at waist height. Spike shrieks and tries to pulls away.

SPIKE
Speaking of q-tips, get that fucking tiny thing away from me, you bloody poofter!

ANGEL
(Chuckling)
That's not what you used to say.
(Breathlessly, in a bad impersonation of Spike's accent)
Oh, Angelus! Give it me good. Pound that huge, hard cock into me! Oh, fuck yeah! Feels so bloody good...

Spike continues to struggle while Angel mocks him. He eventually slips out of the headlock and pushes Angel in the back, sending him careening headlong across the room and into the wall, which he hits with a thud. Angel just manages to roll over before Spike is on him, straddling him and pinning down his arms. Angel squirms a little and Spike tightens his grip on his wrists and squeezes him more firmly with his thighs, unwittingly creating some pleasurable friction. They both moan.

SPIKE
(Looking up at the ceiling)
Oh bloody hell.

ANGEL
(In a husky voice)
Goddamn it, Spike.

Spike looks down at Angel, a confused look on his face.

SPIKE
Me? What did I do? This is all your bleedin’ fault, you ponce!

ANGEL
My fault? How the hell could this be my fault?

SPIKE
You.
(Beat)
You gave me a taste for this, didn’t you?
(Beat)
Before Dru turned me, I would never have…well, let’s just say, sodomy wasn’t on the menu.

Throughout this exchange, the two men have been moving against each other very subtly. It couldn’t even really be called thrusting, but the effect is the same. Angel flips Spike over so he’s on the bottom and pins both his wrists above his head with one hand. His other hand glides across Spike’s chest, flicks his nipples, and then trails absently down his abdomen.

ANGEL
(Skeptically)
Right. And that’s because you were such a manly man. I think we both know your good left hand was the only thing on the menu before you were turned, William.

Spike’s expression turns dark.

SPIKE
Well, at least I wasn’t a worthless drunk.

ANGEL
(Scornfully and with great exaggeration)
No, you were a poet.

SPIKE
Sheep shagger!

ANGEL
Mama’s boy!

Spike sits up quickly and head-butts Angel, hard, and they’re off again, rolling across the floor, landing the odd glancing punch but mostly just grappling, using the belts to get a grip and then trying to roll one another in an attempt to get on top. They both look intent and cross, but they’re visibly aroused now, grunting and breathing heavily from exertion. When Spike is on top, Angel reaches behind him, flicks open the belt, and tosses it aside. He does the same with his own. Spike watches. They stare at one another for a moment.

SPIKE
Would be a shame to waste all this oil.

ANGEL
Hell yeah.

And then they’re moving together, kissing one another hungrily and thrusting and sliding and groping and moaning and panting and in not very long at all they’re shouting and coming.

They gaze at one another with sated, almost adoring looks on their faces, and then the moment passes as quickly as it came, which was pretty damn quickly.

SPIKE
I see you haven’t built up any bloody stamina in the past 100 years.

ANGEL
I try not to get too happy, you fucking idiot. Luckily, this fits the bill perfectly.

SPIKE
Pillock.

ANGEL
Moron.

And fade back to the basement. Buffy is sleeping soundly, looking supremely satisfied. Spike’s awake now, propped on one arm and staring at Buffy with an astonished expression.

Fade to black.

Read Reviews / Post a Review

Send feedback to Fit of Pique | All stories by Fit of Pique

Print Version | Plain Version

 
Please Support This Site
A percentage of sales from the links below will be used to pay the server fees for All About Spike.

 
Home  |  Site Map  |  Keyword Search  |  Category Search  |  Contact  |  Plain Version  |  Store
 
Website by Laura
 
Buffy the Vampire Slayer is trademark (TM) and copyright (�) Fox and its related entities. All rights reserved. This web site, its operator and any content on this site relating to "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" are not authorized by Fox. Buffy the Vampire Slayer and its characters, artwork, photos, and trademarks are the property of Twentieth Century Fox, Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and/or the WB Television Network and/or the UPN Network. The webmaster is not affiliated in any way with the aforementioned entities. No copyright infringement is intended nor implied. This site contains affiliate links, which are used to help pay the server fees.