Where Do We Go From Here?
SPOILERS: Season 6 through "Once More With Feeling." Veers happily
off into Denialville after that.
DISCLAIMER: All hail Joss Whedon, UPN, the WB, FOX, Mutant Enemy and
20th Century Fox Film Corporation. GO team! Theirs, not mine.
DEDICATION: This one goes out to all the people who wanted to smack
Dawn when she broke in on Spike's "So one of us is living" moment
during the musical.
BETAS: Much thanks to the beta-tastic efforts of Colleen, Chen, and
AUTHOR"S NOTE: Some lyrics lifted straight out of Joss Whedon's
brilliant "Once More With Feeling", and used without permission. I
SPECIAL NOTE: This story was done for We Invented The Remix.
Therefore, it is my interpretation of the work of another author,
done with their consent. Thanks to Alexia Eve for being game for the
Remix- it takes a whole lotta stones. Her story, "Masochistic
Tendencies", may be found at
DISTRIBUTION: Let me know if you want it.
FEEDBACK: Sure, fire away to email@example.com
Dying was so familiar. As I spun faster and harder, the music
reverberating, I was slipping away, moving back toward the things I
missed so much. Peace, happiness, and freedom, just on the other side
of the rising smoke.
A firm hand grabbed my arm and I stopped abruptly. "Life's not a
song," Spike sang, his voice deep and low. "Life isn't bliss. Life is
just this; it's living." He stared at me as if wanting to burn the
words into my brain. "You'll get along-"
I felt the anger bubbling up inside me, spilling out. "Let me rest
in peace," I sang angrily. "Let me get some sleep. Let me take my
love and bury it-" I stopped, realizing what I'd revealed to Spike-
and everyone else in the room.
Spike's eyes widened, his hand closing tighter around mine. "Buffy?"
Oh, damn. I opened my mouth to deny it. "There's a traitor here
beneath my breast," I sang, looking earnestly into his eyes. "And I
love you more with every breath." He pulled me close to him and his
mouth covered mine. I felt safe and warm in his embrace, and I wanted
to stay there forever.
"I think it's kind of sweet," Tara trilled, her voice a sweet soprano.
"I think its pretty neat," Dawn chimed in.
"There's always been this latent heat," Anya sang.
"We have a demon to defeat!" Giles interjected.
Oh, damn. I broke apart the kiss. "The music's over, Sweet," I sang.
Spike was a truly amazing kisser. The day after the musical
extravaganza came to an end, our kiss seemed to be the only thing I
could think about. The memory popped into my head at the most
inconvenient times, like when Tara was explaining how to make her
kick ass banana bread or Dawn wanted to know who fought in the
Finally the house was quiet, with Dawn in bed and Willow and Tara
already asleep. I folded the dishcloth carefully and draped it over
the faucet, the sink empty and sparkling. I knew I should go to bed,
but I couldn't unwind. I just kept thinking of Spike's arms around me
and the sweetness and intensity of the kiss we had shared. It had
been a happily ever after kiss, except that wasn't in the cards for
us. It never could be; he was a vampire, and I was the Slayer. I
didn't need Giles to sit me down and draw a diagram on why this could
never happen- although that hadn't stopped him from spending the
morning doing just that. I'd received a concerned phone call from
Angel, which was horrible on multiple levels. Xander had made me a
necklace made of stringed garlic cloves.
I stretched out on the couch and turned on the television, surfing
until I settled on Space Ghost. It was funny, and I should have been
laughing, but I was still thinking of Spike. It was tangible, the
feeling in the pit of my stomach… and suddenly I realized why. I
strode to the front door and ripped it open.
Spike looked up at me in surprise. He was pacing at the foot of the
stairs, his duster swishing back and forth. In his hands he held a
large box, tied with a shiny bow. "Good evening," he said, his voice
a little higher than normal. He shifted his weight from side to
side. "I brought you a box of candy," he said shyly.
"Since when are you Forrest Gump?" I replied.
He tilted his head, and I realized he had no clue what I was talking
about. "Why are you here?"
"I wanted to see you. Thought you might want to take in a show or-."
"You're asking me on a date?" I asked incredulously.
"Well, yeah," he said. "I mean, isn't that what people in love do?"
"Last night was a spell," I reminded him. "Singing, dancing, not
really real. Just a spell. It was just evil demony stuff."
"You thought our kiss was evil demony stuff?" he replied, hurt.
"Our kiss was a mistake," I replied.
He looked down at the box of chocolates as if it held the answer he
was looking for. "You said you loved me," he said finally. He looked
up at me, his face tight. "I thought it was the truth." He looked so
sad, and I felt guilty.
"I do love you," I admitted. "But I never would have said anything.
The singathon was beyond my control."
He looked at me with such intensity, and I could feel it in my
stomach, between my legs. It was raw need, and I felt it too. I felt
the same pull he did. "So you love me, and I love you, and we're
just going to pretend that we feel differently?" he asked.
This was the most painful conversation I'd had today- and that was
saying something. " I love you, because you're my friend," I said
firmly. "You've been there for me since I got back, and you've
covered my back, and you saved my life last night. If it weren't for
you, I would be a little ashy pile. So thank you."
"This is bollocks," he said. "What you sang last night, that wasn't
about friendship. It was passionate, romantic love. Why are you
trying to cover that up?"
"That's your interpretation, Spike. It was a spelly thing," I
answered, waving my hands in the air. "Spells aren't real. Just
forget about it."
Spike walked up the stairs to me, the box held in front of him like
an offering. He stood on the second step now, and he was looking
right into my eyes. He was so close to me, and I could feel my heart
beating faster, my mouth going dry.
"So you look at me now," he said, reaching out and tucking a lock of
hair behind my ear, "and you don't feel anything more than
"Right," I lied, as his fingers trailed along my neck, making me
"I don't believe you," he said slowly, his voice low and intimate. "I
think you look at me, and you think about what I would feel like
A tiny little gasp blurted out of my mouth before I could hold it
back, and he smirked, his eyes firing with amusement. "You're so
wrong," I said, my face flooding with color.
He leaned in close and covered my mouth with his. Oh my God, it was
good. It was just as intense as last night only harder, wetter. His
tongue probed every corner of my mouth. I moved to pull him closer,
and something poked me in the chest. I broke the kiss and saw that it
was the box of candy. I looked up at Spike, and he was panting, his
eyes full of heat and desire. He wanted me, and I really wanted him.
My body was screaming for sex, hot sweaty sex, now. To buy a few
minutes to collect my wits, I grabbed the box and sat down.
I took the lid off the box and stared at the chocolates as if all the
secrets of the universe could be found inside. "Oh, it's a sampler.
Nuts, nougats, and creams," I babbled. My voice sounded strange. "And
here's a little diagram. It shows you what's inside each one. Ooh,
there's raspberry creams. I love those." I picked up the chocolate
and stuffed it in my mouth. Chewing seemed to take a lot more effort
than usual. I concentrated on the sweetness in my mouth, and tried to
ignore the vampire that sat down next to me.
"Look at me, Buffy," he said softly.
"It's kind of an interesting concept," I rambled. "Candygram with
vampire delivery. Vamp-o-gram. You could copyright that. You know,
lots of women, they'd be happy to open their door, see a very hot guy
standing there with chocolate. Kind of a twofer, you know."
"Ladies do love a treat, " Spike whispered, and he began to kiss my
neck. It took all I had not to shiver.
"I really love chocolate," I babbled. "And this, this is the good
kind. Like, my mom used to buy me this kind for Valentine's, cause
she said I was her funny valentine."
"Would you like to be my Valentine?" he purred.
"It's too late," I pointed out. "It's, like, November. I think?" I
couldn't remember what month it was. I couldn't focus on anything
beyond Spike's wet tongue, circling my ear.
"Buffy," he said, and I did shiver then. He made a grumbling noise
low in his throat, and then I felt his teeth, scraping over the bite
scar on my neck. Vampire, biting, neck. Oh, very bad. I scooted back,
leaving Spike blinking at me, looking confused.
"Do you want one?" I asked, leaning over the box. "You should have
some. They're very nice."
"I'll take anything you want to give me." Spike scooted next to me
and smiled at me, his eyes shining.
My hand was shaking as I picked up a candy and offered it to him. He
put his finger around my wrist and guided my hand to his mouth. It
should have been gross, but it so wasn't. The way he was looking at
me, the way he sucked on my fingers made me hot, and he knew it.
Spike cupped his other hand over my breast, his thumb circled around
my nipple. The feeling of it combined with the sucking on my fingers
was just too much. I closed my eyes, the breath escaping my mouth in
a soft moan.
In a split second, I was on my back. I felt the candy box crunch
underneath my shoulders, dozens of candies smashing as Spike rolled
on top of me. He was kissing me frantically, hungrily, and I was
kissing him right back. My body melted with heat, the juncture
between my legs burning with arousal. As if he knew, he rubbed
against me, and I could feel his stiff cock grinding against me, as
if seeking the way inside me through two layers of clothing. He was
moving on me in an unmistakable rhythm, and my resolve fled. I slid
my hand into the back of his jeans, my hand pressing him against me
It was as intense and startling as the best sex I'd ever had. I felt
myself arching harder and harder against him, the tension in me
building. I was going to come, right there, right then. I moved my
mouth away from his, fighting for breath as I exploded with orgasm,
my peal of release so loud in the silence. It shocked me back to the
reality of where I was: sprawled out on my well lit front porch
grinding against a vampire.
Horrified, I shoved him off of me. He lay on his back, gasping, the
head of his cock poking above the waistband of his pants. "Buffy?" he
"I've gotta go-" I spat out, and took off running down the steps.
"Buffy!" I heard him call out after me, but I couldn't stop. I
I ran through my neighborhood and across the field. I'd nearly
reached the cemetery gates before I realized that I was barefoot,
weaponless, and wearing sushi pajamas. Common sense would dictate
that I go home, face up to the vampire with blue balls, and call it a
night. But no one had ever accused me of having common sense.
In the cemetery, I busted the chain on the caretaker's shack and
helped myself to a rake and a shovel. Doubly armed, I began my patrol.
In the silence, my mind began to fill with recriminations and
thoughts of misery, despair and guilt. Giles was so disappointed in
me already, and so was Xander. Thank God Mom was dead, so she didn't
know that I was making the same mistake twice. But I wouldn't; not
this time. I wouldn't let it get that far, even though he was the
only thing in this world that seemed real to me. It was just an
indication of how wrong it was, how twisted I was, that Spike the
vampire made my heart feel alive.
A hand closed around my wrist, and I spun the shovel slicing through
the air. "Watch it!" Spike yelled.
"Go away," I said, and turned back to my patrol.
"You can't just leave me like this," he protested. "It's inhuman."
"So are you," I countered.
He hopped in front of me. "You did a sweep through here not two
hours ago," he pointed out. "You killed all the baddies that go bump
in the night."
"Except for the one that goes hump in the night," I said tartly.
"Buffy," he said seriously, "You can't just work up a guy and leave
him that way."
"I don't have time for this," I said angrily. I didn't have time for
any of this.
"Buffy, you know I love you," he said earnestly. "You mean the world
It looked like it was going to be one of Spike's long speeches. I
wasn't in the mood, and I was pretty sure there was only one way to
get him to shut up. With a sigh of resignation, I threw down my
weapons and pulled him into a crypt.
I slammed him against the door as I yanked open the buttons on his
jeans. His cock popped out, hard and dark, and I closed my mouth
around it. I sucked hard, moving my mouth around and pulling out all
the tricks that I knew so that he would come quickly and then go
home. His hands gripped my shoulders and I could taste his pre come
in my mouth, so I knew I was close. But he pushed me away. "Not so
fast," Spike whispered. "Not like this."
"Don't you want to come?" I whispered back.
"Inside you," he asked. "The first time, I want to be inside you.
Buffy, please," he whispered, but I ignored him. I went back to my
task, and soon he was pumping vigorously inside my mouth, his hands
gripping my head as he began to come. He finished with a quiet sigh,
and I stood up and walked outside.
I'd only made it down another row of headstones before he popped up
in front of me. "You think you can get rid of me that easily?" Spike
asked with a Cheshire grin.
"Go home," I said. "We're done."
"Come to my crypt with me," he said.
"I have to patrol," I reminded him.
"You patrolled not two hours ago," he pointed out. "You just want to
"If you go home, I will go on a real date with you," I promised. "I'm
sticking to my love you as a friend only policy-"
"Despite the blowjob," he said happily.
"You're a pig," I said, truly annoyed. "No date for you, oink boy." I
pushed past him, continuing on my way.
"You love me. You'll come around," Spike called after me.
"Don't hold your breath," I yelled back. He laughed as I winced at my
inane comeback. "That was stupid."
"Giving away your location was stupid, Slayer," said a cool voice. I
turned my head in time to see a large fist fly at my face. The punch
landed, and I fell back, dropping my shovel.
"Slayer's not as smart as they used to be," said a second voice. A
heavy kick landed on the side of my head and my breath escaped in a
loud rush. "Maybe I can kickstart her brain."
I stood up, my field of vision totally blurred. I could hear them
though, and I kicked and swung my rake, hearing the distinctive sound
of dusting. I sensed a pack of them around me and dispatched several
in quick succession.
"Slayer!" said a surprised voice, and my vision cleared just in time
to see a pair of surprised blue eyes, platinum hair and black leather
coat turn to dust and fall to the ground. Frozen, I stood there,
I felt myself be kicked to the ground, saw a pair of vampires
descending towards me with fangs bared. I didn't fight, didn't even
want to. The only person in this world that made life bearable, my
solace, my heart, was gone- because I was the Slayer.
As fangs sank into my neck, I closed my eyes. Dying was so familiar.
I tasted the very edge of my mortality, and then I was thrust back to
Someone was lifting me. "Can't believe you let some nasty thing get a
taste of you."
I opened my eyes and looked up into Spike's worried face. "I thought
you were dead."
"Course I'm dead," he snarked. "Must have taken a great bloody bang
to the brainpan, if you'd forgotten that."
"I thought I'd dusted you," I whispered. "It was horrible."
"I'm here," he assured me. "I'll always be here when you need me,
"My neck hurts," I told him. "I let that stupid vamp bite me."
"Why'd you do a crazy thing like that?" he asked. "Thought that dying
twice would have worked that bloody death wish out of your system."
"I thought you were gone," I said. "I can't stay in this world, if
you're not in it."
"Just close your eyes. I'll get you fixed up," he said quietly, and I
gave in to the darkness.
I woke in the night, rolled against a cool, naked back. As I stirred,
Spike rolled over to face me. "How's my girl?" he asked softly.
"My head hurts," I replied. My neck did, too, and I remembered the
sensation of fangs sinking into my flesh. No doubt I'd added another
juicy bite scar to my neck. Lovely.
Spike leaned over and turned on a light. He rummaged around next to
the table and handed me a flask and some aspirin. I sat up and
swallowed them, then looked around. "Your crypt looks nice. Sure
beats the psycho stalker chaining chicks to the wall ambiance you had
going last time."
"Dawnie spent a lot of time here over the summer," Spike
replied. "Thought a change of mood was in order."
"So you were entertaining my little sister in your bedroom?" I
asked. "I was probably spinning in my grave."
He frowned. "That's not funny, Buffy."
"No dead jokes?" I asked. "Dead jokes are funny. Weekend at Bernie's?
Very, very funny movie."
"There was nothing funny about losing you, Buffy." Spike's fingers
trailed through my hair in a smooth, sweeping motion. "All I want to
do is keep you safe, and make you happy." I closed my eyes, enjoying
the sensation. I didn't even notice when he slid down my body.
Suddenly, I felt his fingers on my thighs as he slid his tongue
"I can't-" I explained, feeling myself blush. "I mean, that doesn't
work for me. It's kind of a waste of time." It made me very self-
conscious to have him down there. "Spike?" I said, pulling on one of
his ears. He ignored me, working me harder with his tongue, moving
one hand around to rub my clit.
I forgot about everything; why I didn't want him to do it, and why we
needed to not get more involved, and everything that wasn't him. I
lost myself to the sensation, and how good it felt to have him
there. "Talk to me," he whispered between strokes. "Please."
I couldn't have denied him anything, then. "You feel so good," I
whispered. "You feel so good inside me."
"Keep talking baby," he whispered, and licked my clit with long, slow
swipes of his tongue.
"I never like this," I whispered. "But you make it so good. You go so
deep inside me." His strokes went even harder, even deeper, like he
was trying to reach the very core of me. "More." He moved harder, and
faster. "Oh, God," I cried out, my thighs shaking. "Oh, Spike."
Spike slid away from my thighs, his face gleaming. He grinned at me
as he moved over me and sank his cock inside in one smooth stroke.
The feel of him was intense and shocking, like a burst of static
electricity. He began to thrust inside me, bending his mouth to mine.
I kissed him with all the passion that was inside me, and he
responded eagerly. This seemed to please him, and he moved faster and
"Buffy," he whispered, burying his face in my neck. "Sweet."
His face was pressing against the vamp bite, over the scars. "Spike,"
I said, my voice a plea.
"Slayer," he breathed against my neck.
"Bite," I whispered.
"Can't," he said raggedly.
"Want you to bite me," I said.
"Chip," he hissed against my skin.
"Taste me," I replied, my voice cracking. "Please, I'm close, I'm
gonna-" In frustration, I scratched at my chest with his nails.
"Buggering fuck," he hissed. I felt his mouth close around my wound,
and the sucking of my blood sent me over the edge. I cried out, and
Spike pulled away from my neck, his mouth red. As one, we pulsed
with orgasm, the waves of pleasure so hard and fast that it was
We separated and Spike pulled me close. I cradled my head on his
shoulder, finding a place where I fit perfectly. He took my hand in
his, intertwining our fingers. "This will work," he said. "We will
make this work. I will make you happy, Slayer. You will find peace
and love and hope in this world, I promise you."
"Shh," I whispered, and put my finger over his lips. "Let's get some