By mr. monkeybottoms
DISCLAIMERS: So, I’m all, ‘Hey, Joss, I really like those BTVS characters. Gonna write a little story about them.’ And he’s all, ‘Oh? Yeah? Well, too bad you won’t get anything, cause ME and I own it all!’ And I’m all, ‘Good for you. Like I care.’ And he’s all, ‘Uh huh. That’s right beeyatch.’ And I’m all, ‘Did you just say beeyatch? You are SO white!’
ONCE MORE: Thanks for reading! *pinches your rosy cheek* Ooooh! You are so cute!
THE WACKINESS CONTINUES: Last time on BTVS...Spike and Riley had words. Riley threatened Spike. Spike flipped him off. Buffy and Spike talked. Spike is a moron. Awww! Poor Spike! Now, it is a few days later. Buffy is patrolling, but really, she’s looking for Spike, who she hasn’t been able to find for days. This chapter takes place, loosely, in the ep ‘Goodbye Iowa’. Only, I have changed things as I want, cause, you know, I’m that way. There is no Prof. Walsh or Adam, just for the record.
“That’s what you get for making war on the demon world!” A knobby-skinned demon spat at him.
“I can’t believe you would be so stupid as to show your face in here after what you’ve done!” the second demon added, his fly-eyes gleaming with hatred. “What did you expect? A welcome party?”
The third one, a small, wiry demon, stepped up. He had obviously joined in the fray after the fact, being too little to really damage Spike. Pulling his foot back, he kicked him sharply in the shin. “Ha! Take that!” Spike gave him a growl and he fled with a small squeak behind the other two.
“Word’s out, Spike. We don’t appreciate you killing our kind. Come back here again, and we just might forget Willy’s no-kill rule.” They turned their backs on him in contempt and left him laying in the alley. Spike rolled over, grunting.
“Oh bollocks, they got demon snot on my leather.” He slowly pulled himself up, catching his breath as his broken ribs jabbed him painfully in the side. “Bloody demons. All self-righteous and full of themselves. ‘Oh, we don’t like you anymore, Spike,’” he mimicked them sarcastically. “’You aren’t our friend anymore.’ Well, bugger them.” The effort of standing was too much, and he sank back down to the dirty pavement with a groan.
The front door of ‘Willy’s’ opened and the Buffy stormed in, to the collective dismay of most everyone sober enough to notice. She ignored the crowd and nodded to Willy, who stopped wiping up the Jurnis demon drool left on the bar from the previous brawl and came over reluctantly.
“You’re killing me, Slayer,” Willy whined, looking around the room. “This is very bad for business. You can’t keep coming in here. Drives away the cliental.”
“Oooh, geeze, and I’m supposed to care why?” Buffy asked, sarcasm evident.
“Look? What can I get you? You want some chicken wings? Here, I have a fresh plate right here for you from the guy who was just here. “ He pushed the spicy wings over to her, making Buffy pull back in revulsion.
“Eeew! No, I don’t want your left-over food, you freak!” She shook her head and grabbed him, pulling him close. “I’m looking for a vamp.”
“A vamp? Listen, Slayer, I don’t know what you’ve heard, but I’m not a snitch anymore, ok? So you’ll just have to be on your merry way.” Willy’s eyes darted around wildly. Buffy pulled her hand back and punched him sharply in the nose. “Aargh! Ow! Oooh, that’s hurts! Why’d you have to do it so hard?” Willy shoved the filthy cloth he’d been holding against his now-bleeding nose. “Look, just tell me what you need and go, alright?”
“Fine. I need info on a vamp named Spike.”
“Spike?” Willy said in surprise.
“Yes, Spike. He disappeared four days ago. He knows I’ve been tracking him. I need to know where he is, and you‘re gonna tell me.” Buffy shook Willy slightly, making him whimper a little. She sighed. “Okay, you don’t have to cry about it. It’s just a nosebleed for heavens sake.”
Willy sniffed. “Yeah, easy for the girl with the Superman strength to say.” He wiped at his nose gingerly and looked at the blood on the rag. “Spike was here.” “He was? When?” Buffy demanded.
“Like, five minutes ago. He came in, ordered some food, got beat up. I guess he left after that.”
“He was beat up?” Buffy looked concerned. “Why?” Willy shrugged.
“The locals heard about how he kills demons now and didn’t take kindly to the news.” He put his hand out pleadingly. “Now go, please? Eight demons and four vamps have already left since you’ve been here. And the imp bachelor party looks like they are going to bolt at any minute.”
Buffy looked at the congealed spicy wings on the wood beside her. “Don’t blame me. Maybe you should talk to the cook. I mean, look at the deep fried grossness on this plate.” She made a face. “Now, where did he go?”
“Who? The cook?” Willy asked.
“The cook? No, you idiot. Spike,” Buffy snapped.
“He was thrown out the back way.” Willy pointed.
“I know where your backdoor is,” Buffy said. “I’ve tossed you through it a few times.”
Willy nodded. “Ah, the memories,” he said, all smarty-pants. She gave him a look and took off to the back alley. “And don’t come back!” he yelled after her, making sure it wasn’t loud enough for her to hear. A Chaos demon looked at him, it’s antlers dripping slime all over the place. Willy sighed.
Buffy opened the door, nose wrinkling. It smelled back here. Spike heard the door and turned his head to see the Slayer come out.
“Oh, just bloody fantastic. Just what I need to make my life even worse,” he said, annoyed.
“Spike!” Buffy came over to him, taking in the blood and bruises covering his face. “Wow, you're in even worse shape than I expected.”
Spike laughed a bit, wincing. “Don’t make me laugh Slayer, it hurts.” Buffy knelt down and touched his torn lip gently. “Ow.”
“Don’t ow me. Where have you been hiding all this time?” Buffy pulled the bandana off her hair and dabbed at him. “You are tough to track when you don’t want to be found.”
“I wasn’t hiding,” Spike said, offended. “Cowards hide. Big Bads don’t hide.” He watched her tie the little cloth around a nasty cut on his hand that he’d gotten from a swipe with a broken beer bottle. Avoiding the Slayer had been tough. He tried to think of something plausible. “I was...uh...shopping.”
“Shopping?” Buffy sat back and laughed. “For what?”
“For...stuff. What’s with the third degree here anyways? Don’t you have somewhere to be?” Spike struggled to stand up and Buffy hitched her shoulder under his arm, helping. “Isn’t Mr. Wonderful waiting for you?” He pulled away, swaying slightly.
Buffy looked down, avoiding his eyes. “Riley and I-” Something moved in the corner of her eye and she turned. It was twenty commandos, all holding tazer guns, all dressed in combat gear, and they all looked pissed. “Spike! Look out!”
Spike managed about half a step and collapsed, too beat up to fight. A dozen men surrounded him, guns ready. “Shock him,” the leader ordered, and Spike twitched with the impact of the blast.
“Spike!” Buffy cried, kicking the nearest one. He went down, clutching at his thigh in pain. Another swung his weapon at her but she ducked and punched him in the belly. He wheezed. She was already onto another, throwing him into the rest of the crowd, knocking a few more down, coming face to face with the one who had ordered the blast to Spike.
“Buffy,” he answered, coldly. “I see you’ve met Hostile 17. We’ve been tracking him for a while now.”
Buffy shook her head. “What are you talking about? You’ve seen him at least three times in the past week.” The guy standing next to Riley frowned at him. Riley shook his head and made a ‘no, no, she’s crazy’ face.
“Stand down, Buffy. We’re taking him back.” Riley motioned and Spike was hauled up. He hung between two soldiers, limp as a wet noodle, out cold. Buffy stepped towards him but was stopped by five guns pointed her way. “I said stand down.”
Buffy stood, furious as they started dragging Spike away. “You’re doing this because we broke up, aren’t you?” she hissed at Riley’s back. He turned and came over to her.
“I’m doing this because it’s my mission,” he said slowly. “The fact that this is the thing you seem to be friends with is just a coincidence. I’d never purposely hurt you Buffy, you know that.” He gave her a sad look. “You know, my dad always said, ‘You should never treat a lady-’”
“Uh, yeah,” Buffy interrupted quickly, before she had to hear another one of those quotes. “Your dad was quite a guy and all, but I need you to not finish this mission. Think for yourself. You don’t have to follow orders.” Riley shook his head.
“I’m sorry Buffy.” He turned away and made a quick hand motion. “File out boys.”
Buffy watched them leave the alley, frustrated beyond belief. “This sucks.”
Continued in Chapter seven