All About Spike - The Watchers' Diaries: The Apocrypha by Caro

The Watchers' Diaries: The Apocrypha
By Caro

Setting: Post-Seeing Red

Author's Note: This is the last entry in the series in all likelihood. Not that I'm dried up or tired of the series (quite the contrary), but given the events of S7 so far (through "Never Leave Me"), a continuation doesn't seem feasible as the series was always intended to be closely tied to what was happening on screen.

Entry 13 - Whispers in the Wind

The writing sprawled across the page, little attention paid to neatness.

Giles --

It's all buggered and gone to hell. You'll likely hear the story from the others and I don't have time to tell it. I'm leaving Sunnydale tonight, you see. Can't stay here as I am any longer.

The chip won't let me be a monster and I'm not a man, no matter how hard I try. I've been living against my nature and that's got to change. Where it will take me, I don't know -- but I've never been a big one for looking too far into the future.

Anya is back, though I don't know how long she'll stay. Don't know if things can be fixed between her and Harris now; things happened that none of us intended and we have to live with the consequences.

They know about me and Buffy; news came out unexpectedly and wasn't greeted with resounding joy. I thought things were bad between us before; they're worse and it's one of the reasons I've got to go.

I'm planning on coming back, but I don't know when and I don't know how. I'm supposed to be William the Bloody, slayer of slayers; since this chip got shoved in my brain, I've been Spike the Pathetic. Time for me to take back what's mine.

Don't know if we'll ever see each other again or under what circumstances. Wanted you to know so you don't go sending things to me via the Magic Box or be expecting news. Wanted to thank you for being the only one out of the whole sorry lot of them that was willing to listen.

Farewell,

Spike

***

The envelope fluttered through the mail slot of the flat, coming to rest atop the growing pile. Olivia would be stopping in tomorrow to pick up the pile and put it away as she'd promised Giles in his brief, frantic phone call. There it would wait until Giles' return.