All About Spike
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Believe
By Rocky

Part 19

“Do you see that?” Anya paced around her kitchen, “It’s hideous! It’s the most meanest, cruelest thing anyone’s ever done to me!”

“Anya…” I looked away from the roomful of bunnies.

“I mean, the meanest, cruelest thing regarding bunnies.” Anya corrected herself, “If this is another curse from that Amy girl, there will be strong repercussions… not like how you all were about the rats!”

Spike picked up a white bunny, stroking its neck, much to the disgust of Anya.

“You can eat that,” Anya suggested, and then backed away when Spike glared up at her, “If you want to.”

“Anya, do you think D’Hoffryn could’ve?” Dawn piped up from behind her.

“Bunnies?” Anya turned, “I think his idea of vengeance is just a little bit more dead—AH!” She shrieked as Spike held his bunny out towards her. She ran from him, and he chuckled, moving after her.

“Buffy!” she screamed, lifting up a chair to fend him off. “Hello? Protector of the innocent?”

“Alright, Spike,” I stopped them, “Anya, do you have a box or something we could put them in?”

She nodded, slamming the chair down, “Yes, I’ll get one. And you,” she glared at Spike, “I hope the First makes you kill everyone!”

Spike’s eyes widened and he frowned, and Dawn and I followed it.

“I mean…” Anya looked at the three of us, then gave a bright smile, “I’ll be right back with that box!”

Dawn stepped into the bunny-filled room, and I turned to follow her.

“Somethin‘ I wanna ask you…” Spike stopped me with his whisper.

“What is it?” I came closer to him.

He spoke lower, “Later… when the bit’s not around… we can talk?”

I nodded, “Sure.”

“You know, I can hear you anyway,” Dawn called from the other room, “Now or later… I’ll still hear it.”

Spike rolled his eyes, and then followed me into the room.



“So, I’m gonna go check into who could’ve cursed Anya with those bunnies,” Dawn said, heading upstairs, “And now you’ll be free to talk about whatever it is I’m not supposed to know you’re talking about.”

Spike sighed, “How long before she grows up?”

“I’m mature for my age!” Dawn yelled from the top of the stairs.

The door slammed shut, and I watched Spike silence himself. His fists knocked against his hips, and he bit his lower lip.

“Spike?”

He glanced up, “Just… I’m…”

I crossed my arms. “You know better than to beat around the bush with me, Spike. Spit it out.”

His hands stopped fidgeting and fell onto his hips. He looked at me, “I wanted to ask you about your mum.”

My mouth fell open… it had to. I was going to say something, but only managed to open my mouth.

He took a step back, “Look, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want—”

“What do you want to know about her?”

He was sitting on the bed now, and nodded me to sit with him.

That’s a bad idea. Too physical with you lately, Spike. I’m not sitting there. I’m not… I was sitting next to him now.

“She was… she was sick for a while, yeah? Before…” his hands gripped at each other, as if fighting over which one got to touch me.

“Yeah,” I watched his hands, “Before she died.”

His hands clenched his knees now, “Did you… did you want to do something about it?”

My shocked face met his, which had already winced at what he said, “Of course I wanted to do something about it.”

“I mean…” he stammered, trying not to look at me but failing, “Something… anything… to stop it? To keep her with you… forever?”

I don’t know what you mean… I felt my head start to shake.

“Even if…” he swallowed, looking right through me, “Even if it wasn’t the right thing?”

I blinked, and in the flash saw Mom lying on the couch… saw Mom brushing her hair. The air suddenly smelled of her, and I stood up.

He was standing next to me fast, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…”

I stepped away from him, his words barely interrupting my thoughts of Mom. Her smell… her touch… her voice… it all took over inside me. It had been so long since I’d thought of her… since I’d remembered her like this… I’ve been so busy. I’ve forgotten her. What have I…

“Mom…” the words fell out, and I could hear Spike gasp from behind me. His arms wrapped around me, but I pulled away from them. Can’t think about you now, Spike. I have to think about Mom. God, Mom. I’m sorry, Mom. I’m so…

“I’m sorry…” Spike’s words came with my thoughts, “I didn’t mean to…”

Mommy…

“I didn’t mean to hurt you…” he was very quiet now, like he didn’t want to disturb me with what he was saying. He didn’t care if I heard it or not. “Just… wondered… shouldn’t have asked…”

I turned to him then, my blurry eyes unable to really make him out. I blinked. It’s the only way I know how to stop the blur… just blink. Spike had his eyes to the floor, and he blinked too.

“Shouldn’t have asked…” he whispered again.



“Why did he ask?” Dawn cuddled into her blanket, “I don’t get it.”

Me either… I don’t know…

“Well, it… probably has to do with the soul…” Willow shrugged, “Right?”

“Maybe…” I nodded. “Nightmares or something…”

“Yeah, but… why Mom?” Dawn sat up straight, “When Angel was having his soul-nightmares, he wasn’t dreaming about Mom, was he?”

“No,” I told her. But Spike’s not Angel… it sounded in my mind like an alarm.

“I think it will get better… once Giles is back.” Willow stood.

I nodded, “It has to.”

Willow nodded and stepped out.

Dawn smiled.

“What?”

“Nothing… just… all of us talking like that…” she started to get out of bed, “It was nice.”

“Yeah.”

“Are you gonna talk to him about it some more?”

“I, uh… I don’t know.”

“But you never really answered…” Dawn picked through her clothes, “I mean, maybe you should tell him?”

“I wouldn’t know what to say.”

“Say what you’re thinking,” Dawn faced me, “You know that’s really all he wants to hear.”

I stood, suddenly remembering my plan for today, “Listen, I need you to tell Wood I’m taking today off. Anya had an idea on the demon that could’ve—”

“I’ll tell him,” she stepped towards the bathroom, “But we both know the real reason why you’re taking the day off.”



She hadn’t been gone ten minutes before I realized how right she was. I was already at the basement door. My stupid fingers couldn’t stop fidgeting. I don’t know what to say to him. Just say what I’m thinking? I can never do that right.

The door swung open, and I was suddenly terrified of his mere presence.

“Oh, it’s you,” he said. His voice is more terrifying than his presence.

“It’s me,” I managed out.

“Usually gone at this hour,” he stepped past me, “Thought it might’ve been one of the girls.”

“Do they usually come down this early?”

“No,” he muttered, fixing his blood, “That’s why I came up.”

Awful silence fell between us. I struggled onto a stool and he stood in silence as the microwave heated. The entire kitchen felt like one big microwave.

Finally he spoke, “No counseling today, then?”

“Yeah,” I was eager to break the tension, but couldn’t find any more words.

He sniffed, “Principal make you mad?”

I smiled, and he turned to show his little smile before the microwave beeped.

“Just trying to think of a way to help Anya.”

“Right,” he crossed towards the basement again, “The bunny thing.”

“Spike, I…” I have to tell you what I’m thinking.

He turned at the door, his head tilting a little. The mad silence fell again and I shrugged.

“Never mind.”



“I knew it was him!” Anya’s shout echoed off the walls of the apartment, “He warned me. He told me not to tell anyone about the ritual, but look what I did!”

“Anya, you were helping. Now I’ll help you.”

“Help me what? Clean up all the little bunny pellets all over the floor?” Anya scowled, “I always suspected it was him, but this is absolute proof.”

“These?” I picked up the pair of glasses.

“Yes.” Anya nodded, “Even demons need to see, Buffy.”

I shrugged, “Guess he’ll have to retake the eye exam.”

“You know, I can’t believe he left them,” she squinted at them, “He’s so stupid like that.”

“Anya, where can I find this guy?”


Continued in Part 20

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