All About Spike
Chapter: 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11  12  13  14  15  16  17  18  19  20  21  22  23  24

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By Rocky

Part 3

Cold air pushed into the house, and I jumped up off of the comfortable couch.  My blanket landed on the coffee table.  “What is it?  What happened?”

“That stupid vampire damn near killed me!” Rona held her shoulder and rushed into the kitchen.

Willow and Spike stepped through the front door.  As I approached them, Spike’s sheepish eyes drifted to the floor.

“Some vamp got her?” I asked.

Willow took one of her nervous breaths as Spike remained silent.

“Well…yeah…” Willow motioned to Spike, who bit his lip in a grin.  “Some vamp…”

My eyes fell on Spike.  Willow sighed and went in the kitchen.


He scratched his neck, glancing up and down again.  “It was…I didn’t mean for it.”

“You staked her?” I smiled, closing the door.  That was definitely going to get him…

He turned around shaking his head.  “No, no.  She was…he had her by the throat, real tight grip…so, so I shot…and…” he ran his fingers through his hair and sat on the couch.  “And then she moved.”

I sat next to him and shuddered.  His body froze the air around us.  I pulled my blanket off the table and relaxed into the warmth.  Spike scratched at his hands, and scooted further away.  He lifted his eyes to the book-buried table and sat up to look at them all.

“Find anything?”

I shrugged.  “Couple of the pages had some words I could pronounce.”

He chuckled and selected one.  I watched him thumb through it, carefully turning the tender papers over.  His cold fingers ran down the spine…

I pulled the covers to my chin.  Stupid sleepy brain!  Focus!

His attention moved from the book to me, as if he was listening to my stupid sleepy thoughts.  He closed the book, and gently laid it back on the table.

Rona stormed out of the kitchen seconds later, a nasty glare thrown in the direction of Spike.  She muttered something on her way up the stairs.

Spike shook his head and stood.  His eyes fell on me as he backed away.  “Just a thing…always…just that.”  He turned his back on me.  “G’nite Slayer.”

I watched him leave.  Willow stood at the hallway, and he darted past her.  Her face softened as she spoke to me.  “You didn’t yell at him, did you?  I saw the whole thing, Buffy, it really was an accident.”  She sat down where Spike had been, and picked up the same book he had held.  She flipped through the pages.  “And I got really scared, too.  I thought that…that I was gonna have to do something.” Her body seemed to quake and she closed the book.  “And, I don’t think I was ready…not tonight.”

I reached out to pat her shoulder.  “It’s okay, Will.  We’re all scared, but Will…we are ready.”

She half-nodded.  She doesn’t believe me.

The lightbulb swayed, flinging shadows past my steps.  I caught a glimpse of him by the sink, the light dancing off the scars on his back.

“Something on your mind, Slayer?”

Damn!  I thought I was being quiet.  I dropped down the last few steps.  I stood at the foot of the stairs, setting my eyes on his back.

He splashed water over his head before turning the knobs.  After a short sigh, he pulled his shirt over his head and faced me.

I smiled.  He didn’t.  What?  Why?

He shook his head.  “You shouldn’t be down here.”

“Okay.” I looked away, “Sorry.”  I turned to go back upstairs.  What the hell was that?  Don’t look back, just go upstairs.  I was about halfway up when I paused.  No, don’t pause.  All the way up!  My mind fought with my eyes, begging me not to look at him.

“Buffy, look…”

I turned.  Amazing.  Two words and he won the battle.  He was looking up at me.  I drifted back to the night I died, then shot forward to the night I came back.  His sad face, staring up at me in both memories.

“It’s not…it’s not that I don’t want you here…” he kept his eyes on me.  “I do… because…you make the air soft, and I feel…” his eyes closed,  “But it’s deja-vu, that’s all it is.  We’ve done this before.”

“I don’t think so.”

“How?” he moved up the stairs, his hands clinging to the banister.  “How is this any different?  You used me then, and now…” He stopped several steps away.  “You don’t want it, Buffy.  I know it.  I got it wrong, I know that now.”

“Spike, what are you talking about?”

He threw his arms in the air.  “The soul!  You don’t want it!”

I searched for something—anything—to say.  Nothing.  My mouth hung open, with the words stretching on my tongue.  Say them!  Say something!

He watched me, backing down the steps.  “You don’t want it…” he pulled the cord and the basement fell dark.  “I know you don’t.  I don’t blame you for it.”

I closed the basement door, and the words finally came.  “I do.”

The wind was powerful.  I had to fight just to stand.  My hair whipped across my face and sand scratched into my eyes.  Tears fell down my cheeks, and when I tried to call out, the gusts sucked the air out of me.  I gasped for air, like the night I had clawed out of the ground.  The debris blocked away all the light, and I fell to the hard ground in search of something bright.

My throat was dry when I woke—probably not from dream-dust, but from screaming.  I sat up in bed.  No one had come in to check on me?

I came downstairs and passed into the kitchen, where I was surprised to find a light on.  I was even more surprised to see Spike sitting with one of the slay-girls.

He stopped midsentence, gazing up at me.  The slay-girl turned around in her seat.  Which one was that?  I stared at her, trying to remember.

“Hi Buffy.”  She smiled.  The accent—it was Molly.  She stood, and nodded to Spike.  “Think I’ll just crawl back into bed.”  She left us alone.

Spike stood, filling a glass with water.  “Rough night, Slayer?”

“What are you doing up here?  And what were you two…?”

He grinned, handing me the glass.  I gulped it.  The cool water tickled my throat.  I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling his eyes on me.  He placed the glass in the sink and leaned against the counter, his eyes burning.

I yawned, settling onto a stool.

“What was it, then?”

“What was what?”
            “Something got you up outta bed, love.  Wanna tell me what it is?”

“Oh, I…” I rubbed my forehead.  “Just…a dream.”

He straightened up.  “You have a lot of them lately…”

I nodded.  “Too many.”

He stepped closer, but was still at a distance.  “You never had them when…”

I looked up at him, but he shot his eyes away.

“I just mean…I don’t recall you ever cried out—in your sleep, I mean.  You were always…” he smiled, eyes fixed on the countertop.  “Always peaceful…quiet.”

“Never in here.” I rubbed my head, then tucked my arms together.  Too cold.  I need my blanket back.

“No,” he shook his head.  “You wouldn’t let me in there.”

I sighed.  I don’t want to do this…not now…not at “Three a.m.?” I said aloud.

He looked at the glowing microwave clock, then nodded.

I stood.  I’ve only got about three more good hours left.  Then my eyes fell on Spike.  He was doing that thing…where his body gets all wriggly and uneasy.  I screwed something up again.

“Hey, Spike?” I turned around before leaving.  “Up for patrol tonight?  Just me and you?”

His brow furrowed, and he did the wriggly thing again.

Don’t do that, Spike!  “Been a while since we’ve gone…I just thought it…”

“I’ll be there.”

The day was slow.  Don’t teenagers have problems these days?  I could’ve bored a young sexy counselor for days about my problems in high school.  I put use to my hours of non-work, scribbling thoughts onto the yellow notepad.  Thoughts about The First, about training the girls, and a few Spike-related sentences.

God, that’s the last time I act on impulse at three in the morning.  Not a good time to be throwing out suggestions.  What was I thinking?  Would this lead him on—make him think that I want him again?  Do I…want him?

Frustrated with thoughts, I ripped the pages out and started on a fresh page.  Blank.  Be blank.  Stop thinking.  Hours later, when blank paper was covered with sketches from my recent dreams, Dawn wandered up to the desk.

“Um, Buffy?”

Uh oh, puppy-dog face.  She wanted something.

“You know how people, like, date?” she bit her lip.

“Actually…no.  I don’t.”  I said with a sad smile.

She turned to pout-face.  “Okay, well, it turns out that Scott McMann, he does…  With me…” her bottom lip slipped out.  “If—if you let me…please?”

That begging smile, I’m such a sucker for it these days.  Little Dawnie, boys fighting over her…evil undead boys…  “Does Scott meet the requirements?”

Dawn returned a blank stare.

“You know?  Cute butt, half a brain, and…I don’t know…a pulse?”

She smiled.  “Yes, yes, and yes!  He’s right outside, in the sun and everything.  He came to meet you, ’cause he didn’t want to be disrespectful.  Isn’t that so mature?”

I shrugged.  “Doesn’t sound too bright.”

“But you…you don’t really want to meet him, do you?” her face was covered in concern.  “Because…”

“You can go.” I nodded.  “But you’re home by ten, and if you’re so much as two minutes late, Mr. Man loses an appendage.”

She nodded, turning to leave.

“I’ll be patrolling, but I’ll know if you’re late Dawnie.”

“I won’t be!” she jumped for the door.  “You’re the best!”

“Let us come with you!” Kennedy begged.

“Not tonight.  I want you girls to get some sleep.”  I tucked a stake into my back pocket.  “Giles said The First is gonna lay off for a while, so I want you to rest up tonight.  Trust me, you’ll all be begging me to let you stay home next week.”

“But we…” Vi piped up.

“No buts!  No slaying tonight.”

“Just make sure he knows that.” Rona held her wrapped shoulder, glaring across the room at Spike.  He looked at the floor, then stepped out the front door and let it slam shut.

I herded them all under Willow’s watchful eye, then went after Spike.  He was leaning against that tree, like he always did back then.  He watched me come down the steps before standing up straight.

“They sound more like you every day, you know?” he walked alongside me.

We walked in silence all the way to the cemetery.  His boots skudding against the dirt, then brushing against the grass—all I heard for some long minutes.

Once amidst the stones he cleared his throat.  Oh God.  He was gonna start it.  I’m not ready yet, Spike.  Don’t say anything about it yet.

“Watcher’s overseas now, huh?”

“Yeah.” I breathed a sigh of relief.  “He’s…there were more girls…for him to find.”

He nodded.  “They’re getting good…the girls.”

I glanced at him, looking away when he looked back at me.

“Well, they aren’t that good.  Not good enough to stake me yet.”

I grabbed his hand.  “I haven’t gotten that good yet.”  Oh my God, why did I grab his hand?  And what did I just say?  My eyes wandered to our hands as he squeezed mine, then dropped it.

“Don’t do that,” his voice quiet, his hand tucking into his pocket.

“What?  Why not?”

“Look, you don’t have to…” he stopped, turning his face to mine.  “It’s enough for me…to be around you…”

I tried not to look hurt.  “You don’t…want…me to touch you?”

His eyes were watering.  God, don’t cry in front of me Spike.  But then he caught himself, blinking it away.  He let out a broken sigh.

“Buffy,” he stared at the blades of grass, “I know it…it can’t ever be how I want it.  It can’t even be how you want it.”  He glanced up.  “And after I…it wasn’t your fault.  I thought I saw it…the last night, when we were…your eyes, they said it to me…” his eyes closed, and he started to walk again.

I followed him through the tombstones.  He finally settled against one.  I stood behind him, waiting to hear him out.

“I thought you loved me…” he whispered.  “And I wanted to…because I didn’t deserve then…” his shoulders hunched and he dropped his head.  “I still don’t deserve…”

My eyes stung, and I quickly wiped them dry.  I took two deep breaths, trying to turn my voice normal again before I spoke.

“Alright, Spike.” I walked around to face him.  “Now, it’s my turn.”

He raised his eyes.  They looked past me, then his head shot up.  He stood, pushing me to the ground.

I heard his deep-throaty growl and quickly got to my feet.  We were surrounded by Bringers.  Spike pulled a knife out of his side and muffled his pained yowl.  His face vamped and he tossed me the knife.

And we went to work.

Continued in Part 4

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